Good Christian Fun

My Time to Shine  

I've been doing a lot of research about blended families recently. Like reading a bunch of articles, watching videos, and reflecting on my own personal experiences with divorce. Here’s what I've concluded - divorce sucks but that doesn't mean you can't find happiness in a new family situation. Often times step parents don’t know what role they play in their step child's lives and it can be difficult to know how to bond with them without feeling like they are overstepping boundaries. Some advice I would give as a child who grew up in a blended family and has been doing a lot of research on the subject: get to know the child first then you can start thinking about being an authoritive figure. To explain further, a child needs to know you care about them and that you want to get to know them and not just the child's parents. Get to know what their hobbies are, who they are, and spend quality time with them. The stronger your connection to them the more they will feel like they can trust you and let you into their personal lives.  

Many times, stepparents will start disciplining the children right away without letting the children get used to having a new family member in the family. Some might think this can be counter intuitive to establishing a parental role in the child's life. But think of it this way when you bake a cake and take out the sugar and use applesauce, are the results going to be the same as a normal cake? No, blended families are the same way, removing a family member and putting in a new one is going to require some new rules. It takes around two years for the family to feel normal again. Children need to see what holidays, dinners, family councils and new family rules are going to be like with a new family member so they can adjust. Also, the parents need to be closer than ever if they want to supply a functional household. One way they can do this is, is by having private councils together and not hiding anything from each other. Spouses need to remember that they are a team and if the parents fall apart the family falls apart. 

I was pretty young when my mom married my step dad but I remember the biggest change I felt was Christmas being different. It felt weird to have my step dad there instead of it just being my mom and siblings. I remember he wanted us to immediately throw away all of our wrapping paper as soon as we opened our presents. I felt frustrated because that not always how we spent our Christmases in the past. It was weird sharing my mom's attention with some else that wasn’t my sibling and the air felt awkward that Christmas. It took my family awhile to adjust to my step dads new rules and I think that at first, he tried too hard to be the dad that wasn’t present in our lives at that time, but we didn’t want a ‘new’ dad to give us new rules. We needed a friend who could support our mom as she parented us. It took my family time to adjust to a new parent but now none of us could imagine our lives without our step dad and we are grateful that he could teach us some lessons that our biological parents couldn’t.  

Stepfamilies are families too but, in my opinion, I don’t think they are supposed to function 100% the same way traditional families do. They have their own personalized rules because each step family is so unique there is a lot of trial and error to find what works for them but as long as they are consistent in showing that they want to be a family they are going to do just fine.  

I've learned a lot about families over the past couple weeks and what tis like to be a part of one. I heard once that we don't make time for families, families are what we are given time for. I know that when we prioritize families, we will live happier and more successful lives. What are your thoughts on families?