Expectations V.S. Reality

Expectations V.S. Reality  

Social media is huge on giving advice on anything. Want to lose weight and clear up your acne? Easy just drink more water! Does your boyfriend not like it when you message your guy friend about some relationship problems? Dump his butt! He is clearly super jealous and is taking away your freedoms! Social media self-proclaimed relationship counselors focus on grabbing your attention quickly by saying exactly what you want to hear. That you are the one in the right during arguments! 

I was scrolling on Instagram the other day when I saw post about creating a secret bank account affectionally called the “Oh F*** Account.” It was for when you needed to leave your partner but needed money to do it, so you would transfer money into that account just in case. I went to the comments, and everyone agreed with this and said how wise it was! I asked my teacher what he thought about this, and he said, “Well that’s a great way to plan for a divorce!” 

I didn't know people could use finances to be unfaithful to their partners. It makes sense though, as husband and wife you are a team and need to be transparent with relationships with others and your finances. For example, having a secret account of money for when the relationship goes south is a clever way to plan for divorce. When you marry someone, you should be able to trust them enough to be open about finances. Hiding money away or spending it in an area that’s unknown to your spouse is a great way to start the relationship with distrust and secrecy. 

If you haven’t been living under a rock, then you have heard of a couple called Jim and Pam from the office. In the beginning of the show Pam is engaged to Roy and Jim is secretly pining over Pam. Roy seems to be all wrong for Pam, he doesn’t apricate her humor, he doesn't show up for her when she needs him, and he doesn't seem to want to commit to their relationship by never setting a wedding date. Frustrated with Roy, Pam will go to Jim and vent to him about her fiancé. Jim and Pam go together well, so well that you want Pam to dump Roy and finally be with Jim who is desperately in love with Pam.  

Pam is a good person – she is all of us. Which makes it even more surprising when you learn that Pam is emotionally cheating on her fiancé Roy. It's small things like sharing deep thoughts or ideas with someone other than your spouse. Then you start to slide into thinking more often about that other person and wondering what it would be like to be with them. You think about them more often and are excited when you get to see them and before you know it you fall in love with somebody else. Even though you're not doing anything physical with them you're sharing an emotional bond with them that you should only have with your spouse. If you ever find yourself in this situation the first thing you should do is tell your spouse and stop being around that person. Relationships are built on trust and honesty. Cutting off ties with someone you have budding feelings with is first place to start.  

Some people graduate from emotional affairs and slide into a physical affair. Chances are we all know someone who has had a relationship ruined because of an affair. For me it was my parents. I was a baby when everything went down but I know that it carved a deep cut into my mom that has left a lasting impression on her view of being married. I'm not sure how sorry my dad is because we never talk about it and act like it never happened, I mean it would be a uncomfy conversation to have but I've always wondered what an “I'm sorry I split apart our family” conversation would look like.  

When trust is broken it causes deep rifts between a couple and most don’t stay together. However, there are couples who learn to forgive and to pass the affair together and studies have shown that 70% are happier than they were before the affair because now they know what weakness is in their marriage and can work together to fix it. It takes time and a lot of trust on both sides added into a trust bank account, but I believe that if a couple really want to stay together, they can work past anything.